Antitheism

Today is Easter Sunday. As usual for this time of year, the networks are broadcasting religious-themed programming. Last night it was "The Ten Commandments"; today, "Jesus Christ Superstar". I mention theses two movies because I always re-watch them in a sort-of observance of the holiday. I have them in my film library, and like them both ...or at least I used to enjoy watching them. But, as I tried to watch The Ten Commandments, I found myself periodically switching to other channels because I was so turned off to the message conveyed by a particular scene ...so turned off, I couldn't bare to sit through it.

My transition from christian to antitheist was gradual. I was never really a devout christian, but as a child, raised in a god-loving, or more accurately god-fearing environment, religion was forced down my throat, and I reluctantly acquiesced, having no other option. However, as soon as I reached an age to just say "no", I did so, and refused any further participation in those activities I so came to resent.

I did still "believe" in the concept of an anthropomorphic, omnipresent, omniscient, benevolent, celestial being to whom we all were prompted ...either by love or fear ... to pay homage. Nevertheless, being the extreme egotist that I am, the concept of having to worship someone, was anathema to me.

Over the years, I shed my belief in such a being, but lacked conviction, so my attitude was more one of defiance ...choosing not to believe, and the consequences be damned. However, as I found myself not believing in anything, lacking the ability to believe in anything greater than myself, I began to realize that a belief state, no matter how bizarre or unrealistic, was in fact an asset. It was useful in helping one rise above the ego, a dynamic for tapping into one's own higher self. During this period I was what you would call agnostic ...ambivalent in one's own beliefs, but respectful (and sometimes envious) of the beliefs of others.

Now I'm much older, and I've become much more cynical. I've experience all the malice, corruption, and evil that's been perpetrated in the name of a god. I've come to resent this concept, and any that asks people to blindly follow doctrine, set down by persons concealing their own agendas under the guise of divine inspiration, and to inflict that belief on others ...either by way of law, social mores, or terrorism. I not only developed the conviction to declare myself an atheist, I've gotten to the point of complete intolerance of involuntary exposure to it, in any form, from anyone.

I don't make an issue of someone saying, "god bless you", but as soon as someone starts to talk about religion or spirituality in any way, I immediately halt the conversation and assert my refusal to listen any further. As an anti-theist, my intolerance is so profound, I can no longer watch those faith-based films without anguish and resentment. So I'll have to let this Easter, (and future observances), pass without the usual once-loved ritual.